A far away love

I have a habit of yearning for things that only exist fairly tales.

The clock strikes 12, I only have you for few hours. I want to talk to you. Laugh with you. Love on you. Check in with you. But in the midst of this, you’re falling asleep.

It’s like I have to squeeze my spot in to get your full attention.

I feel anxious. Because I don’t know when I’ll see you again.

There’s never enough time.

I’m the last thing on your list. Never intentionally chosen.

I was supposed to be lucky to just spend a few hours with you on a random night.

then..I began to give up.

What happened if I didn’t chase the silence, I allowed space, time to happen.

You showed up but little effort.

I was supposed to be appreciative, understanding and grateful because the bare minimum was better than nothing.

I shrink myself.

But as each day go by I was slowly detaching.

Calling multiple times.

Begging to spend time.

Wanting to feel chosen.

After last night, laying there with you and still feeling alone.

I found myself in another situationship, giving an illusion like we were in a relationship, you were just polite and more consistent than the last one.

Threw filler words around like wifey, I love yous, and life long promise that I’m afraid that was never going to happen.

You were okay with

things going your way.

I wish I didn’t have to fight so much for your time and attention.

But I’m tired and at this very point.

I could fade away.

Yet again didn’t talk to you all day.

I miss you.

I will miss you.